The Chimera System
We're a motley mix of animals, humans and hellbeings who bicker and crowd the small space we've been given, and love and support each other just as much as any tight-knit family.
The Animals
The first alters we were aware of as a system were the animals. A little over 12 years ago we started a journal to record increasingly intense animalistic thoughts and behaviors that we couldn't seem to pin down. At that time we began to explore the therian and otherkin communities, as these were the only communities we knew of that shared in our experiences. But it still seemed like a big piece was missing.
The Humans
After years of struggling with our identities and searching for answers in all the wrong places, we happened upon information about DID and multiplicity by sheer accident. Whether it was a YouTube interview or a link in a random article, it did the trick. At this point we were beyond fed-up with back-to-back identity crises. All we needed was to question ourselves and do more research. When Cub, one of our alters, decided to come out to our then-counselor, it was such an overwhelming experience that Holly, another alter, was pushed straight to the front. And now we finally had the tools we needed to see the switch for what it was.
The Demons
As more and more alters came forward, one of the biggest challenges was (and continues to be) separating each alter from one another. Because we each operated on the assumption that we were one whole person for the duration of our lives up to this point and because we are a very blended system, sometimes, things can get messy. One instance of this is the very first time we met Zen, one of two demons in our system. At first, we thought he was our system gatekeeper, someone who had fronted the previous day. However, there was something just slightly different about this alter and the way he behaved and spoke.
About Us
In our system is Cub (Me), Holly, Cameron, Judy, Dai, Zen, Himiko, En, and the following animals: Cat, Fox, Wolf, Tiger, Bear, Otter, Owl, and more. (I really don't know how many animals are in the headspace, but few are frequently active.)
Myself, Judy and Dai are the ones that age-slide the most. Even though Dai, an introject of Cameron's sister, is already a teenager, she will sometimes age-slide even further.
We all have important things to contribute to the system even when we don't have a clear-cut role. I can't find a role for most of my alters in a lot of the lists I see online, but I know everyone has unique talents and is here for a reason.
System Roles
I'm always trying to keep everyone's feet on the ground; I'm the group skeptic and I love learning new things and collecting information on the system. Knowledge is power! I'm naturally cautious and like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and besides, I'd rather look for evidence than go based off my own personal biases and impulses.
Holly is our group liaison. She typically handles anything involving involving diplomacy, communication, and... well, it might be better to explain Holly's role by pointing to her origins. Holly wasn't really Holly before we got a job in customer service. As a result of that, a lot of her personality is influenced by what it took to survive that very stressful situation.
Cameron is what we've come to call an "anti-victim." His role and his personality was influenced by what happened to us as a child, even though he doesn't have a personal connection to it outside of that. He is a physical protector and works hard to moderate... well, what Holly used to call his "macho shithead" traits. Actually, taking care of the littles has helped, I think. That, and just getting older.
Judy is our system's trauma holder. She is the only one we know of that feels personally connected to one of the more major traumatic events of our childhood. Recently, when the system became very sick for a full week, she age-slid and, in a way that we're still deciphering, became a ghost. We think this may be her way of coping with the trauma (believing that she may have died in some way).
Dai has a dual role as both psychic protector and anger holder. (Whether these two roles conflict with each other, I'm not too sure.) When I say "psychic," it more refers to the term ""psyche." Rather than protecting us from physical threats, Dai safeguards us from toxic people and specific types of abuse. As an anger holder, she also provides an outlet for intense emotions that many of us can't handle.
En is our system gatekeeper. He rarely fronts, preferring to work in the background. Something extraordinary about En is that he is the only alter I know to be able to take executive control of the body. If there is an emergency of some sort, he may temporarily take over part or all of the body. He can also "toggle" physical and emotional pain. In other words, En has the system override (he identifies with AI. Can you tell?).
Our Nonhuman Crew
The Demons - Zen
Because the demons in our system would prefer that much about their role remain private at this time, I will attempt to relate some details about what exactly a demon is in our system.
Our demons are humanoid. Typically, my defining traits are short blue-grey fur, long, tufted ears, a very long tail, and ram's horns. I may take on many other forms, however, including a hellhound. As for Himiko, she has settled into long, blonde hair (sometimes tightly curled into ringlets), shocking red, snake-like eyes and a forked tongue. She considers herself a succubus.
We have done some research and found that our lineage is of Lucifer and Lilith. You can see that I take after my father, while my sister takes after our mother a bit more. Though, I do appear to have my mother's feet.
The Animals
I thought that I knew all about my animal alters, since I had spent so long with them. But when I found out we were all part of a multiple system, everything changed. Now I understand a lot of feelings I never had access to before. I understand why I feel like a werewolf sometimes (blending). I understand why sometimes an alter can feel so close that it's like they're physically there, and Ican reach out and grab a tuft of fur. I finally understand why I had so little control over instinctive responses, like hissing, and why that was so distressing to me.
Every animal has a unique personality and talents to contribute to the team. Even before I began researching DID or OSDD-1, I was trying to get that "team" to work together. Fox was the fastest, but also proved to be a very calming, grounding presence in other areas and is now Judy's constant companion. Cat is anxious and the first to vocalize when it comes to feelings of fear or shame. She typically hangs around me, but likes to play with Holly, too. I am still learning about each animal, and how best to give them what they need to thrive. I'll never forget that they were the ones that lead me down this path of self-discovery.
© Untitled. All rights reserved.